I’m having difficulty putting into words the experience that is Inside Out. It’s an amazing film set in an incredibly inventive environment. Once again, Pixar has done what very few studios can do, at least at the consistency that they do. They are once again able to create a world and film that entertains the young audience while it offers a completely emotional, refreshing experience for the adults in the audience.

Inside Out is a story that takes place mostly in the head of pre-teen Riley, as she traverses some major changes in her young life. In a completely imaginative world, we are introduced to Riley’s emotions, personified by characters Joy, Sadness, Anger, and Disgust. When things become chaos in her head and Joy and Sadness become displaced, Riley feels the effects on the outside, as she sinks into a depression that is uncharted territory for her as a usually happy kid.

The film, like many other Pixar movies before it, is an incredibly adult concept. What goes over the head of the children that will sit down to watch this film is the deeper meaning of the world around Riley, and inside Riley, too, as she starts to grow out of being a carefree child. Pixar knows how to yank those heartstrings, and Inside Out is no different. Even as a childless adult, I can’t help but feel for Riley and hope for her to get back to her old self, but what’s interesting about the film is that Riley never goes back to the way she once was. Sure, she gets happy once again, but once Joy and Sadness have their own adventure, she’s a different person and she’s grown all her own. The parts inside her head are equal parts a unique adventure and a smart discussion of growing up and allowing yourself to feel all the emotions that comes with life.

I really can’t put into words more than I already have about how fantastic this movie is. It’s Pixar at its best and that’s saying a lot. Give it a watch and try not to cut onions when Bing Bong comes on screen.

For about the last decade, the action movie genre has been tethered to the comic book movie, for better or worse. For better, as the stigma of comic book stories has now become passé and nerd culture is now en vogue. For worse, as the movies themselves have nestled into a formula, full of exposition and air fights, that is quickly becoming a little worn. Over the past year, however, there seems to be some light at the end of the tunnel, as the movie industry once again evolves. Just recently, we saw how Deadpool could come in and break the notion that an R-rated comic book film couldn’t pull an audience. With Mad Max: Fury Road, it proved that there is always a place for practical effects and exceptional set pieces with the minimal amount of exposition and story, while even pushing forward a female protagonist.

Mad Max: Fury Road does not spoon-feed you anything. From the opening, we aren’t given exposition. We see a cloaked figure in a desert landscape as he gets chased down by post-apocalyptic vehicles and eventually captured. We assume this is Max because we’re never told otherwise. From there, we get thrown into a world we’re unfamiliar with, the world of Immortan Joe, a grotesque dictator, using his control of the water supply to control his people. When Imperator Furiosa, one of Joe’s most trusted and skilled drivers, takes off with his stable of beautiful women handpicked to be his “breeders”, it sets off an action-packed car chase (with Max in tow) that takes up basically the entire runtime.

What it lacks in a complicated plot, Mad Max: Fury Road delivers on just about every other aspect of moviemaking. To be honest, the plot isn’t even missed; you can piece together a backstory of the world along the way, but it doesn’t really affect the overall thrill ride this movie sets you on. Each individual action sequence (which are each a part of a larger whole) impresses in art direction, choreography, cinematography, and direction. George Miller’s inventiveness for these set pieces help pull you into this bizarre future world full of war boys, differing factions that control different commodities, and guitar players that wield flame-throwing axes while tethered to a battle truck.

Tom Hardy is the title character, and while he is great in the role, the true star of this film is Charlize Theron as Imperator Furiosa. She’s a badass bitch with one arm, as she takes on all of Immortan Joe’s fleet in order to free his wives from their future of popping out Joe babies. She’s a strong female character not unlike Ellen Ripley or Sarah Conner and Charlize Theron is perfect in the role. She’s a fantastic actress, and while this film doesn’t exactly give her the Oscar-grabby moments she had in Monster, her casting in this role gives the character a gravitas that a lesser actress wouldn’t be able to convey.

What truly makes this film the best film of 2015 is the accomplishment of George Miller and his team of set directors, costume designers, editors, sound engineers, and his cinematographer. This is easily the most beautiful action film I’ve seen in a long time and it must have something to do with Miller’s painstaking effort to bring his expansive storyboard work to the screen. Every frame of this film is a work of art: the colors pop, the lines are clean, and the effects, both practical and what little CGI is used, is flawless. The editing is kinetic, dragging you along for the bumpy ride, while the sound design weaves such an audible story that you cannot help but be immersed in the world you’re experiencing.

Mad Max: Fury Road won 6 Academy Awards, and that’s pretty crazy to say, but it’s completely deserved. For the story it looks to tell, it executes flawlessly and beautifully. It’s easily the most fun and overall best film-going experience of 2015. And in a year that had an excellent Star Wars entry, that’s saying a lot.

Last year, April was “Arnold in April” Month at the Main Damie, where I watched The Running Man and virtually stalked the kids from Kindergarten Cop. So it’s time for the 2^nd Arnold in April Month with an Arnold-centric 5 For Friday.

After his years as the Governator, Arnold is back to making movies, so what better way to celebrate than to cast him in a bunch more movies that could’ve used his natural screen presence. Here are 5 Movies That Should Be Remade As Arnold Schwarzenegger Crossovers

5. American Pie

Remember when Jason Biggs set up a webcam in his bedroom because he knew the sexy exchange student would be getting undressed in there shortly after? Remember how the idiots broadcast this to the whole school? Remember how that seemed totally okay in 1999, even though she might be underage (?) and she has no idea she’s being recorded? Those late 90’s were a crazy time.

Crossover with… Kindergarten Cop

Enter Detective John Kimball, Arnold’s character from Kindergarten Cop. This time, Kimball is infiltrating the high school from American Pie to track down the pervert sex criminals that deal in hidden camera sex shows and sexually assaulting pastries. One by one, he takes out the criminal ring of this seemingly wholesome high school and celebrates by banging Stifler’s mom.

4. Ex Machina

Ex Machina was one of my favorite films of 2015. It’s a well-crafted sci-fi film that lives in a world that feels real. Terminator: Genisys is a movie from the same year that you cannot describe in the same way. What the reboot/sequel/reimaging of the once great sci-fi action series did was just confuse the timeline more than it already was. It’s time to bring it back to basics.

In Ex Machina, Oscar Isaac’s character Nathan is working on the next phase of artificial intelligence, which basically means he’s working on a sex robot that doesn’t feel like you’re having sex with a robot. As Nathan is pretty much a misogynist, the sex robot is a female. But if Nathan was working on a sex robot to keep the ladies happy, he might have just created…

Crossover with… The Terminator

What if the T-800 was the first attempt at a male sex robot, and instead of crushing vagina, he crushes skulls that litter the post-apocalyptic future we see in Terminator 2: Judgment Day? It’s not completely out of the realm of possibility. Most stories involving robots usually end with the robot killing someone, so I could definitely see the T-800 just ripping Nathan’s arms off and beating him to death with them. Then, he somehow gets off the island and splits his time between bedding and murdering Sarah Connor’s all over the world.

3. Ghostbusters 2

Despite that it pales in comparison to the original, I still love Ghostbusters 2. I was four when it came out, so it came about at the perfect time for me. The main villain in the movie is Vigo the Carpathian. You know what that sounds an awful lot like? Conan the Barbarian.

Crossover with… Conan the Barbarian

What I am suggesting is that we remake Ghostbusters 2 as a crossover between the Ghostbusters and Conan the Barbarian. Much like his other fish-out-of-water tale, Hercules in New York, Conan somehow winds up in New York City (maybe through a magic painting, too) and terrorizes the city. It’s up to the Ghostbusters to take care of this pseudo-ghost, but more likely time traveling fictional warrior. There’s some plot holes, I’ll admit, but Vigo is functional for only the final scene and he gets destroyed by singing New Yorkers. At least Conan will decapitate some fools before he gets taken down.

2. Friday the 13th

We’ve had Alien vs. Predator, Batman v Superman (more on that in a bit), and Freddy vs. Jason. What if, though, we finally got the versus movie you didn’t even realize you wanted: Dutch vs. Jason.

Crossover with… Predator

In Predator, Dutch traverses the jungle to take down Predator, who’s arguably much more of an adversary than Jason Voorhees, so what if, instead of a team of commandos trying to track down an alien species, Dutch is sent to Camp Crystal Lake to extract a group of sexy teens being terrorized by a lunatic in a hockey mask? It all leads up to one epic showdown, most likely on a dock because that’s where every showdown in the Jason Voorhees series ultimately takes place and Dutch just explodes himself and Jason with some sort of grenade. What’s great about this, though, is that Jason will survive for another movie, no matter what, so the sequel potential with Carl Weathers is high.

1. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

Look: I still haven’t seen Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (Ugh, this goddamn title), but one of the prevailing criticisms of the film that I’ve picked up on is the complete lack of joy and fun that permeates every frame. Superman is supposed to be fun, if not a little bit campy; that’s what made the Christopher Reeve era so successful.

Crossover with… Batman and Robin

You know what movie had the opposite problem? That it wasn’t serious enough? A little movie called Batman and Robin. In that abortion of a movie, Arnold Schwarzenegger played Mr. Freeze, and boy I tell you, he had a whole lot of fun. Every single word out of his mouth was some sort of ridiculous ice-related pun. Say what you will about the Bat-nipples and the Bat-credit card, and the movie as a whole, as stupid as the character of Mr. Freeze is, he’s at least entertaining.

I say you bring Arnie back as the Freeze and tone down the camp just a little bit and you can have at least a few laughs in an otherwise (allegedly) joyless movie.

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Our faithful Damies return to discuss the large amount of nerdy news that occurred last week. Mark and Anthony do their best to stretch out the first two-thirds of the podcast until Dan can join them from Parts Unknown.But it is obvious that the effect of Batman v Superman’s quality has pained the DC fan.

The extra-long episode opens with an impromptu topic about Anthony and Mark’s love of sports. We find out that the pair has gone in different directions as Anthony has become more focused, while Mark has spent the last decade learning about as many sports as possible. There is a discussion of the Olympics that somehow avoided the equestrian events.

For the second topic, they transition into a discussion of the least talked about best series on television, Orphan Black. Recorded on the night of the season 4 premiere, Mark and Anthony use the BBC America series to discuss amazing performances, best seasons of television, and the differences between Tatiana Maslany and Eddie Murphy. Spoilers: One is much better a playing multiple characters than the other.

After what seemed like an eternity, Dan finally pops in to discuss the blitz of comic book movie news. We open with the Rouge One trailer, and Mark professes his love for both Felicity Jones and the title of the movie. The discussion turns into a mash-up of the Dr. Strange and Suicide Squad trailers, the new Bat-fleck movie and a short break down of what went wrong with Dawn of Justice. The trio has mostly different opinions on the DC Cinematic Universe, but they all agree that Suicide Squad should have just been a Harley Quinn movie.

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This week, Key and Peele’s Keanu hits theaters. Combine that with The Jungle Book featuring a couple of big cats, it looks like the feline world is filling up the box office. Make no mistake, though: dogs are still man’s best friend, so here’s a few cats that could hang with the big dogs. This week’s 5 For Friday: 5 Pop Culture Cats Cool Enough to Be Dogs

5. MC Skat Kat – Paula Abdul’s “Opposites Attract” video

Spoiler alert: no other cat on this list had sex with a young Paula Abdul, so this MC Skat Kat has my utmost respect. MC Skat Kat is a throwback to a time when MTV played music videos and artists thought it was a good idea to sing and dance with an animated cat in a wife beater. Fun fact: Romany Malco of The 40-Year Old Virgin and Weeds wrote the MC Skat Kat rap from “Opposites Attract”. The more you know.

4. Milo – The Adventures of Milo and Otis

Animal best friends are always super cool, especially when they come from different species. For kids of my generation, The Adventures of Milo and Otis was our first taste of the idea that a cat and a dog could become best friends. Also, it’s probably their first exposure to Dudley Moore, provided they are lucky enough to have been spared that disturbing Santa Claus: The Movie.

Milo, despite just being an itty-bitty kitty, manages to get into a huge adventure as he tries to find his way back home and to his best friend, Otis the Pug. Throughout the film, Milo encounters bears, snakes, and even an owl.

Unfortunately, there’s plenty of controversy surrounding the actual production of the film and its treatment of the animals, but that doesn’t mean that Milo is any less of a badass. If anything, it just proves it even more.

3. Jinx – Meet the Parents

The major difference between having a cat versus having a dog basically comes down to what happens when they go to the bathroom. If you’d rather sift through sand or pick things up with your hand, you can usually decide which type of animal is right up your alley. Jinx is that special kind of animal that goes to the toilet to do his business. I have both cats and dogs and I couldn’t tell you how much easier my life would be if just one of them started to use the toilet on his own. Jinx, you’re okay in my book.

2. The Cheshire Cat – Alice in Wonderland

In a world of crazies, there might not be a crazier being in Wonderland than the good old Cheshire Cat. Cheshire just hangs out all day in a tree, disappearing and reappearing whenever he pleases, making Alice’s life either easier or more difficult just because he can. That chillax lifestyle is what we should all strive to be about, and Cheshire Cat’s got that in spades.

1. Fritz the Cat – Fritz the Cat

The 1960s and 1970s were a weird time to be alive, and Fritz the Cat is a great example of just how crazy things could get when people stopped giving a fuck. Not only was there a comic strip about a cat that liked to do drugs and get it on with other anthropomorphic animals, they decided that it would be a good idea to make an X-rated film about it. Nowadays, this stuff probably wouldn’t go anywhere past a DeviantArt account.

In the film, Fritz winds up having group sex, smoking that sweet, sweet kush, and kind of just being an all around dick to everyone around him. That being said, Fritz has the most street cred of any fictional feline that has come before or after. It’s like if Felix got woke and tried to start a revolution, but then just sort of got distracted and had sex with a crow that was also a drug dealer.

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Just when you thought you couldn’t love them more, your beloved Damies return for the third week in a row. Only a special event could bring them back their computers, and somehow it didn’t involve another Beyoncé diss track. Nevertheless, our trio does dig deep into Game of Thrones, the PlayStation “NEO”, and a certain film releasing this weekend.

Starting the podcast on the right foot, Dan mentions pro wrestling to Mark, and he proceeds to talk about it for five minutes.  Now, it is well known that Mark enjoys the rasslin’ but it was a moment during Monday Night Raw that moved Mark a bit. One of his favorite female wrestlers, Becky Lynch, had just lost a match and he felt an emotional reaction that a smart wrestling fan shouldn’t: sadness. Well, once again his co-hosts allow him to talk through his issues before moving on to the next topic.

If you care at all about Game of Thrones and you’ve been living under a rock for the past week, then you may want to avoid the second topic. Saying it is full of spoilers would be kind.

After spending what they hope is their final segment on Game of Thrones until the finale, Mark introduces a convoluted topic that is really about his unsure feelings on the changing console gaming landscape. Long cycles between console generations are the one constant in an exponentially growing technology market, but Mark fears that a switch to the “Apple formula” will hurt hardware manufacturers in the long run. If the PlayStation “NEO” is a success, it becomes the biggest shift in the history of the industry and the guys discuss what impact it could have business-wise for Sony and Microsoft. Very rarely are these shifts spearheaded by the company who is “winning”, and Mark feels that it’s a misstep by Sony. Eventually, he realizes that maybe he’s overreacting and offers a way that Sony could spin this and not lose a chuck of its customer base.

So you thought we’d make it through an entire podcast without talking about a comic book movie, huh?  Predictability is the motto of The Main Damie Podcast, and we always deliver. Only a self-hating podcast would avoid talking about the soon-to-be best Marvel film, Captain America: Civil War. In a moment of agreement, the guys share a similar excitement for the next chapter in the Captain America films. Like any good team battle, one must be loyal to one side or the other, and our guys are no different. Each Damier picks a side in the battle, and Dan learns there’s a reason he’s not seeing the movie with Anthony and Mark. Realizing that he has no chance of winning the argument, Dan shifts the topic to what is the one thing each of them wants to see happen in the film. Surprisingly, they are all on the same page and are excited to see if their predictions are even remotely correct.

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WARNING: THIS SHOW CONTAINS SPOILERS!

How much did our intrepid Damies enjoy Captain America: Civil War? Well, enough to dedicate an entire podcast to the newest entry in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. After mostly avoiding the mess that was DC’s recent entry, Anthony, Mark and Dan were all able to see the movie on opening weekend, so it seemed appropriate that they should assemble to discuss it.

As usual Mark starts the podcast off on a tangent and explains how he reached a new level of nerdy-ness this week. Anthony and Dan can’t imagine what he could have done to say this, but then he tells them the game he bought on Steam and they understand.

Instead of kicking Mark off the show, Anthony and Dan decide to steer the conversation back to the topic at hand. Anthony even uses an awesome segue to begin the spoiler filled episode. As mentioned in the last episode, Mark and Anthony saw the movie together, while Dan went on his own in the afternoon. Still slightly upset by the situation, Dan quickly learns that karma may have been on his side when Anthony reveals that the fire alarm went off during their late night viewing which caused them to leave the theater at 3 a.m. Mark says the situation could only mean one thing about the film, that it was…

Lit.

Hoping to skip past Mark’s joke, Anthony begins a quick review of the film. In his excitement, he basically stops half way because there is a lot more to talk about than a simple synopsis of the plot. As with most Marvel movies, the characters are much more interesting than the plot, and thus, make a much better podcast.

You know characters are well done when the gang talks about them for the majority of the episode and can explain why without relying on the word “cool” or “awesome”. Most of the focus is on the newest enhanced person, Black Panther, who exceeded everyone’s expectations and actually made us excited for his stand alone movie. Spider-man and Ant-man aren’t new to those watching, but their performances add something to this film and those upcoming that was needed after Age of Ultron. Mark and Anthony were pleasantly surprised by many of the memorable moments, which helped reinvigorate their interest in the future films.

Dan, on the other hand, reveals that he is the worst date for a comic book movie. He makes a public apology to his fiancée for ruining all the surprises before they happened. He did avoid making a comment about Hawkeye’s appearance in the film because she likes Jeremy Renner, and in a Pavlovian response, Mark expresses his feelings for Hawkeye when his name is mentioned.

Renner’s performance isn’t so much the issue for Mark, but more that Hawkeye is an incredibly awful character. Everything about him irks Mark, including his attempt at a humble brag. Mark admits that his loyalty to Team Cap was shook when he realized Hawkeye was on the team, but his hatred of Fascism kept him from jumping ship.

After a thorough dissection of the best film so far this year, the gang discusses their overall thoughts and give the movie a rating, which obviously is the be all, end all of a film’s quality. Since the Main Damie enjoys its list, the trio rank their top three Marvel movies, and Anthony drops a bomb on his list that no one saw coming. Will the podcast ever be the same?

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Monday was Memorial Day, and if you’re like me, you have traditions for Memorial Day. Maybe you have a killer hamburger recipe just for the occasion, or maybe you spend the whole day glued to the war movies on AMC or TCM. For me, I watch two movies: Jaws and The Sandlot. Both of these movies are pinnacle “summer movies” for me, so I always try to watch them on the unofficial kickoff to the season.

Last year, I looked into the whereabouts of a few kids from Kindergarten Cop, so I decided to investigate the kids that made The Sandlot one of the all-time best baseball movies. Here’s what a few of the cast members have been up to.

Scotty Smalls

Character: The narrator of the story, Scotty Smalls is the main character and the stand-in for the audience. He starts off as a brainy outsider, who is brought into the group of kids by Benny and ultimately sends the Babe Ruth ball over the fence.

Who Played Him?: Tom Guiry

Where is He Now?: Tom Guiry stayed busy through the 1990s and early 2000s, landing roles in high-profile projects such as U-571, Black Hawk Down, and Mystic River. His last major role was as one of the leads of the short-lived series The Black Donnellys. Most recently, however, Guiry made headlines for his arrest following a DUI and head-butting the arresting officer. You’re killing me, Smalls.

Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez

Character: Benny the Jet is the best ballplayer of all the kids from The Sandlot and is the one kid that gives Scotty Smalls a chance. Every one of the kids looks up to him and he’s the one that finally gets the best of the beast in the end.

Who Played Him?: Mike Vitar

Where is He Now?: After The Sandlot, Mike Vitar wound up in The Mighty Ducks franchising, playing Luis Mendoza in the first two sequels before ultimately retiring from acting in 1997. Since then, he has been a Los Angeles firefighter and, like Guiry, has found himself on the wrong side of the law. On Halloween in 2015, Vitar, along with two other firefighters, was involved in a nearly fatal altercation and now faces up to four years in prison.

Hamilton “The Great Hambino” Porter

Character: Hamilton is the wise-cracking chubby kid that hit the first baseball over the fence, which led Smalls home to fetch the ill-fated Babe Ruth ball. He’s also the one that can be heard repeating the line “You’re killing me, Smalls!” which has since become one of the most popular lines of the film.

Who Played Him?: Patrick Renna

Where Is He Now?: I’m glad to report that unlike the previous two entries of this list, Patrick Renna hasn’t done anything that can ruin your perception of the Great Hambino. Renna starred in other early 90s fare like Son-in-Law and The Big Green, and kept busy through most of the 90s in guest roles on television series such as Boy Meets World, Home Improvement, The X-Files, and a recurring role in Boston Legal. Recently, Renna produced his first feature film, Bad Roomies, which he also stars in (Side note: it bares a striking coincidence to a terrible college film I made; I’m not claiming theft, it’s just something that should be noted).

Michael “Squints” Palledorous

Character: Squints steals a few scenes in the movie, though he never really factors into the overall plot of the movie. He’s the short in stature but big-on-balls kid who put the moves on the hot older lifeguard, Wendy Peffercorn. He’s also the one that tells the urban legend of the Beast and his line “FOR-E-VER!” has become one of the most enduring moments of this classic. Squints has also become a popular Halloween costume.

Who Played Him?: Chauncey Leopardi

Where is He Now?: Chauncey spun off a few assorted family-friendly movies in the 1990s, including The Big Green (with Patrick Renna), Casper, and Houseguest. Later on, he had recurring roles in Freaks and Geeks as well as Gilmore Girls. While he has been quiet on the film and TV front recently (including a six-year break before a role in the 2013 film “Coldwater”), Leopardi reprised his role as Squints in the 2007 sequel The Sandlot: Heading Home, which features a time-travelling Luke Perry.

Wendy Peffercorn

Character: The lifeguard that drives Squints crazy, according to the film’s postscript, she would eventually marry Squints and have nine kids.

Who Played Her?: Marley Shelton

Where is She Now?: Probably the most recognizable actor that didn’t have a name before The Sandlot, Marley Shelton has carved out a very nice career for herself since she was oiling and lotioning all day long. Besides starring in 90s fare like Never Been Kissed, The Bachelor, and Pleasantville, Shelton has worked with heavy-hitting directors like Oliver Stone (Nixon and W.), Robert Rodriguez (Planet Terror and Sin City), Quentin Tarantino (Death Proof), and Wim Wenders (Don’t Come Knocking). Her most recent project is Heaven Sent, a 2016 Christian film directed by Michael Landon Jr.

Farts are hilarious. I don’t care how high brow you are, if you can’t laugh at a well-placed fart joke, we can’t be friends. In Swiss Army Man, farts are hilarious, but they’re much more. Farts are an allegory for the limits we place on ourselves in order to feel like we fit into society. Farts are things that make us happy, but we feel are just too weird for everyone else; they are the skeletons in our closets, our fetishes, and our fandoms. Through simple passes of gas, Swiss Army Man has a lot more to say about us as humans than most movies out there, and it’s truly one of the weirdest and most heartfelt films I’ve seen in a long time.

Fade in on Paul Dano’s character Hank with a noose around his neck. This is the first image we see, as he prepares to end it all after being the lone survivor of a supposed shipwreck. If it weren’t for the washed-up dead body of Daniel Radcliffe on the beach, it would also be the last image we see. But of course, our film doesn’t end there, and Hank takes his head out of the noose and goes on an adventure with a dead Harry Potter. This adventure includes uncontrolled flatulence and using Radcliffe’s body like a jetski to get to safety. As the story progresses, the body starts to come back to some semblance of life and Hank realizes that the body, whom he names Manny, has some special skills that can help him get back home, like an erection that points the way they need to go and some major kung-fu hand chops that can cut down trees.

The journey isn’t just a hike through the woods, though. As Manny starts to become more sentient, he has a lot of questions about life and what it is. What is life? What is love? What is masturbation? All of these questions Hank tries to answer as best he can, but it’s obvious that the idea of life and all the things about life are being skewed by a teacher that has had a tough go of it. Hank is uncomfortable in his own skin, even talking to a dead body that is literally leading him through the forest by its dick. His hang-ups on sex, farting in public, and expressing his emotions are roadblocks they both have to overcome in order to get home, as Manny’s learning depend on Hank’s ability to finally open up to someone, even if it may just be in his head.

Paul Dano and Daniel Radcliffe are fantastic as the two leads, both of which have very physically and emotionally demanding roles. Their chemistry together is fantastic and carries this oddball premise into believability. Specifically, Daniel Radcliffe puts together his best post-Harry Potter performance as Manny, which is the linchpin of the film; without such a believable performance, this film wouldn’t gain any traction.

Swiss Army Man is a movie that asks you to take the journey with it. There’s no explanation as to why Manny can fart with enough force to be a means of conveyance, or why he can spit up a steady stream of drinkable water; it’s part of the fantasy that isn’t all slapstick. In fact, comedy takes a backseat to the true meaning of the film by the time you accept the odd parameters of this multi-tool human. It’s about a troubled man that relearns what he thinks about life through a stand-in. This stand-in just happens to fart a lot.

RATING: 8.5 out of 10

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This week on The Main Damie Podcast, our faithful trio decides to focus on one topic, and they still find a way to spend an hour on it. Their discussion centers on movies, movies and movies. So I think if you like films, you will love this podcast.

We open this episode discussing what we’ve done since we last recorded. Most of the conversation focuses on our Fourth of July weekends, and the movies that we have seen over the past few weeks. Mark and Anthony discuss how they hung out on Sunday to avoid unwanted gatherings. We are also introduced to Mark’s new microphone, which is part one of a strategy that he has for bringing more content to the website. While he stays vague on what it is, he’s confident that it will be a positive addition.

Our movie discussion begins with a quick discussion on the movie Swiss Army Man starring Paul Dano and Daniel Radcliffe. Mark and Anthony have a lot to say about it, and you can read the latter’s thoughts on the website, but they keep things spoiler-free for Dan who has not seen the movie yet. He does step away for a few minutes so Mark can ask the one burning question about the movie that he has for Anthony.

This leads into a discussion about A24’s movies and how awesome they’ve been recently. Mark brings up that he now just trust whatever they put out, and will see it without much thought. It’s a weird feeling and something that he hasn’t ever thought about before when it comes to a movie studio.

Our lovable Damies spend the rest of the podcast discussing the highlights of the first six months of releases and what they are looking forward to the rest of the year. While they haven’t seen a whole lot recently, and for good reason, they realize that’s because their most anticipated films of the year are slated to come out late summer/early fall. This is perfect for Mark, who usually waits until November to catch-up so that he can write a complete Top 10 list.

We hope that you enjoyed our midway point of 2016 movie catch up and look forward, and we will hopefully be back with our standard three topic episode starting next week. Thank you for listening and reading the site.

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Illumination Studios came out of nowhere back in 2010 when they came out with the first Despicable Me. The animation was solid, the story was funny for all ages, and it even had a heart that you rarely seen in animation not made by Pixar. After the inevitable sequel and even more inevitable Minions spinoff, Illumination is looking to land its first hit outside of the Gru Universe – the Gruniverse, if you will.

This was a tough year to come out with an animated film, if your studio isn’t named Pixar or Disney. With Finding Dory being the expected powerhouse everyone expected, Zootopia finding appeal with both kids and adults, and the still looming Moana being released later this year, The Secret Life of Pets unfortunately feels like a lesser effort. And in a year that has also seen The Angry Birds Movie and the eventual release of Ice Age: Collision Course, Storks, Trolls, and The Wild Life, Illumination latest film may find itself running with the rest of the pack.

The best parts of The Secret Life of Pets appear in the original trailer, and it also appears in the very early stages of the film. Its magic occurs when you see the assorted pets interact with their assorted owners. You get to see the different lives of each inhabitant of the different apartments and their relationships with their humans. This sort of plays out like a scene from Rear Window for pet owners, and it shows just how quirky real-life relationships with pets can be. As a pet owner (two cats and a dog), I appreciate the little idiosyncrasies that the film was able to capture about each type of animal, like a cat playing with just about anything and dogs barking at… well, just about anything.

The story revolves around Max, a small dog that loves the relationship he shares with his human, Katie. He wouldn’t change anything for the world. Unfortunately, Katie brings home a huge, shaggy dog from the animal shelter, and Max finds that the apartment isn’t big enough for two dogs. As the two dogs butt heads, they wind up finding themselves lost in the city, in a desperate attempt to get back to their home. If that plot outline sounds a lot like the original Toy Story, you’re right, and if you add a couple of bumbling dog catchers and a crazy bunny running an underground clan of unwanted pets, this is that movie.

Since Toy Story, Pixar has been able to, more often than not, garner crossover appeal between kids and adults. We saw it most recently with last year’s Inside Out. Their ability to do this has changed the game and how we view animated features. It’s a bit unfair to chastise a cartoon movie for not setting such lofty goals, much in the way that The Secret Life of Pets seems comfortable appealing mostly to kids, but that is the world these films play in nowadays. The film itself isn’t necessarily bad, but it’s not as good as it should be. There are a few fleeting moments where it nails it, like in the opening moments, but when it devolves into a madcap, fantastical adventure in the sewers of New York, I found myself disappointed that the filmmakers decided to not shoot for the stars.

The Secret Life of Pets is not a bad film, but it’s wholly underwhelming in telling a story that isn’t quite fresh, leaving a clever and relatable premise high and dry. The animation is solid and the all-star voice cast is perfectly fine, but it’s a movie that doesn’t care to go anywhere others haven’t gone before.

RATING: 6.5 out of 10

Somewhere, there is a pretty decent film that nobody has seen since test screenings deemed it too dark. It’s probably on David Ayer’s computer. It probably contains longer versions of scenes we only get to see for 20 seconds, scenes that try to introduce us to characters that we’re stuck with for two full hours. The versions of these scenes probably don’t have pop songs on top of them, which would make them just feel like an extended trailer. This cut did not make it to theaters this weekend, and unless we get a director’s cut release on Blu-ray, we will never see this version of Suicide Squad. So what about the movie that we actually got?

Suicide Squad attempts to tell the story of a ragtag group of super villains, grouped together against their will in order to defend against the forever imposing threat of meta-humans. When one of these baddies goes rogue (immediately), it’s up to a girl in clown makeup, a guy with a boomerang, and a bad guy with a gun to stop the threat from… sucking the world up into the sky by a beam of light that may or may not be a portal to another dimension? I don’t know, and that’s part of the problem with this movie, a film in which I actually did not have a bad time with, despite so much that goes wrong.

What we’re left with is a movie that starts off stumbling out of the blocks. Told in flashback, we get tiny snippets of backstory of most of the members of Task Force X, the official name of the Suicide Squad (Side note: Adam Beach has never been in movie he couldn’t get cut out of). This 20 or so minutes is all we’re left with to get an understanding of who the characters are, which is hardly enough to empathize with characters not played by Margot Robbie and Will Smith. Maybe that’s for the best, though. Jai Courtney plays Captain Boomerang in complete Tom Hardy mode, and he’s not completely terrible in it, which goes against recent history. On the flip side, though, El Diablo has an interesting backstory somewhere lost in the quick snippets, which hurts the film when he has big moments towards the end, which feel undeserved.

The editing of this film is sloppy at best, and it comes in direct confrontation with the story they’re trying to tell. Enchantress is supposed to be the villain of this film, but that whole storyline feels like it is lost in the fray. There are huge chunks of this film where we don’t even see her or what she’s doing. All we get that even suggests that she exists are a bunch of faceless humanoid henchman that get mowed down by our “heroes”.

Despite all of this, there are some good things to pull from this film. Margot Robbie’s performance feels like it is pulled straight from Batman: The Animated Series. I went into this film with a single mindset: if I got 30 minutes of a decent Harley Quinn movie within this film, I’d be happy, and that’s exactly what I got. It’s not perfect, as it does come off as a bit too cartoony at times, but you cannot say that she doesn’t do the character justice, booty shorts or otherwise. That’s the character and it always has been; Harley Quinn has always been a plucky wild card, even amidst the darkness of a seriously abusive relationship. Even as it lies in the comics now, Harley Quinn is a Saturday Morning cartoon in a world inhabited by the dark and brooding.

Secondly, Will Smith gets to sink his teeth into a role that isn’t a cloying attempt to get him an Oscar, and it’s the most fun I’ve had watching Will Smith since Men in Black. Deadshot gets most of the emotional backstory, and while it’s obvious at times (how long is he going to fucking stare at that mannequin in the window?), he’s a fully formed character in a sea of caricatures trying to clamor for more presence. I’d watch a Batman vs. Deadshot film is what I’m saying.

That’s not to say Leto gives a poor performance, but he doesn’t give one with much substance, either. His Joker comes off as a glam rock, two-bit pimp and it’s a bit off-putting, but I don’t know if that’s his fault or the screenwriter’s. My biggest problem with the Joker in this film comes in the relationship he has with Harley. I feel like this film normalizes an obviously abusive relationship and it comes off as disturbing, and not in the usual Joker sort of way. Granted, most of the Joker’s story is being told from Harley’s perspective, so it could be an instance of an unreliable narrator, but the last note of this relationship in this film made me feel a little dirty.

I’ve already written over 1,000 words on this movie, most of it not great, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have some fun with it. This is a deeply flawed movie, but it feels like it’s the corpse of a much better movie. It’s a full Frankenstein job, but at the end of the day, I laughed a few times, I enjoyed most of the characters, Harley Quinn delivered what I wanted, and I liked Will Smith for the first time in a decade. No amount of that weird sort of CG shimmy that Enchantress does at the end made me forget that.  Seriously, what the fuck was that?

RATING: 6.5 out of 10

With the release of the new sequel/reboot of the 1999 film The Blair Witch Project, I decided to launch a new feature that I have been kicking around for some time. Before You Go… will be an article that highlights some “required reading” of sorts necessary to view before going to the cinema for a new release. This can be anything from the original film a movie may be based on, a comic book storyline, or another entry in a director’s filmography. This week: Blair Witch

The Blair Witch Project (1999)

Directed by: Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sanchez

Anyone that has any interest in seeing the new Blair Witch will have surely at least heard of the original film, which was an absolute cultural phenomenon. The Blair Witch Project is one of the first “found footage” movies and completely revolutionized a genre. Sure, Cannibal Holocaust and The Last Broadcast may have come first, but The Blair Witch Project brought this aesthetic to the mainstream.

The film follows three student filmmakers, as they investigate the local legend of the Blair Witch. What unfolds is 90 or so minutes of Heather, Josh, and Mike walking in the woods, reacting to the supernatural sounds and the elements they encounter. It’s a polarizing movie, to say the least: some consider this one of the greatest triumphs of the genre in the past two decades, while others criticize it for being nothing more than a few people in the woods.

One thing to remember about The Blair Witch Project is that in revolutionized viral marketing in the early days of the Internet. A full website about the disappearance of the three main characters was launched an entire year prior to the film’s release, and the claim of the film’s authenticity wasn’t completely debunked until after the premiere.

Paranormal Activity (2007)

Directed by: Oren Peli 

While The Blair Witch Project is often (incorrectly) credited with starting the whole “found footage” subgenre, it really didn’t see a whole lot of mainstream copycats. The years after The Blair Witch Project were filled with a different horror spectacle: torture porn. This is the era that saw the Saw franchise thrive and Eli Roth release two Hostel films.

Paranormal Activity (along with the original [Rec]) was the one that was the jumping-off point for countless found footage films: Cloverfield, V/H/S, Chronicle, The Last Exorcism, and countless others have arrived in the wake of the original Paranormal Activity, for better or worse. It even had its own like-minded viral campaign that mirrored that of the original Blair Witch Project film. It was billed as real, and for a while, some believed it.

Filmed in 10 days, Paranormal Activity showcased the appeal of the genre and the newest digital technology: cost efficiency. Made for just $15,000, it eventually grossed $193 million worldwide at the box office. It went on to spawn five sequels totaling $889 million worldwide combined.

You’re Next (2011)

Directed by: Adam Wingard

Blair Witch is directed by Adam Wingard and scripted by Simon Barrett, a team that has collaborated on The Guest, segments of V/H/S, V/H/S 2, and The ABC’s of Death, and 2011’s horror-action flick You’re Next, which we covered in 31 Days of Horror.

You’re Next tells the story of a family dinner that goes terribly wrong when the house becomes under attack by masked killers lurking in the woods. What starts off as a home invasion film akin to The Strangers or Funny Games, turns into a survival actioner, led by the charismatic lead Sharni Vinson, and the kinetic direction of Adam Wingard. It’s a tense film throughout and one of the best films the horror genre has had to offer in recent memory.

Blair Witch opens Friday September 16^th and currently has a 53% on Rotten Tomatoes.

PLOT: A shock jock podcaster takes a trip up to Canada to interview a viral sensation. When he finds out his subject has committed suicide, he travels to a secluded mansion in hopes to interview the owner, an old man who promises tales of his long life at sea.  

Kevin Smith is the reason I went to film school. When I was 16, I saw Clerks for the first time. Not only did I love it but I said: “I can do that.” As I’ve gotten older, while I still hold Clerks in high regard, I feel like I’ve outgrown his whole shtick. I give credit to him that he’s been able to define his own career, whether he’s just touring the country doing speaking engagements or creating his own podcast empire, but the appeal of dick jokes can only sustain a person for so long. Not fart jokes, though. Farts are hilarious.

Justin Long plays Wallace Bryton, a successful podcaster that’s just a little bit north of the “I’m a huge asshole” line. He heads up to Canada to interview “The Kill Bill Kid”, a viral sensation that’s kind of like the Star Wars kid if he accidentally cut off his own leg with a real lightsaber. Before he can interview the kid, however, “The Kill Bill Kid” takes his own life, leaving Wallace without a story for his next podcast. Luckily, Wallace finds a handbill in a public bathroom that is advertising a room for rent and tales of a life at sea. That’s where things get fucked up.

(Note: Here’s the podcast which was the inspiration for this story)

With Tusk, Kevin seems to push himself further into the horror genre and I’m kind of happy about that. With this film and Red State before it, he’s been able to show an affinity for direction, which he always said he wasn’t good at directing. Maybe his comedies have always been able to get by on a “point a camera at the dialogue” mentality, but horror needs more. Horror needs to be able to capture the tension that makes it horrible. For the first half, I think Tusk does that.

The second half, though, seems to drag out the natural conclusion of everything, which his hard to do for a movie that doesn’t pass the two hour mark. For one thing, the second half essentially kicks off with the introduction of the detective, Guy Lapointe. In a movie which is, up until that point, economical in the dialogue (save for Michael Parks talking about his walrus friend), Smith gets a little too wordy with Lapointe, possibly because it is a major cameo. Lapointe blabbers, stops, starts, stops again, for a while before he ever gets to a point and it just seems to drag the movie down.

Gore probably isn’t the right word, but it’s the closest thing we probably have. Tusk isn’t necessarily gory, but the body horror in this film makes you about as uncomfortable as any average splatter film. Legs are amputated and skin is… altered. It’s fucked up.

GORE RATING: 3 out of 5

This is as scary as you find creepy old men in the middle of nowhere. It’s not scary in the usual sense, but it’s kind of unnerving to think about being turned into a walrus. It kind of hits the same notes as The Human Centipede does. I don’t want to be a walrus, but I think there’s a slim chance of that happening.  The reveal of the creature, though, is pretty unsettling.

SCARE RATING: 2 out of 5

We get to see Michael Parks’ ass, which will probably please some old man fetishists, but that’s generally it. We do get a quick sex scene between Justin Long and the uber hot Genesis Rodriguez, but it’s all off camera, so you’re left with Justin Long’s off-putting, mustachioed “O-face”.   (But seriously: Sweet sassy, mollassy)

SEX/NUDITY RATING: 1 out of 5

OVERALL

I dug what this movie was doing overall, but it feels like two different movies once Guy Lapointe makes his appearance. The first half is a tension-filled body horror film, but gives way a little bit to Kevin Smith’s tendency to overwrite things. The momentum of the film kind of comes to a screeching halt that has me thinking that this may have been better if it was maybe ten minutes shorter. I think Smith does a great job behind the camera, though, on this one and I think he has quite a career ahead of him in the horror genre.

OVERALL RATING: 6.5 out of 10

PLOT: After a traumatic childhood, a man becomes unhinged when his mother dies and begins to stalk women with a flamethrower.

What if I told you there’s a movie out there that’s basically Psycho with a flamethrower? Doesn’t that sound like the greatest thing you’ve ever seen? I don’t blame you, that premise has my ticket sold right there.

Don’t Go in the House is the story of Donny Kohler, a maladjusted man with mommy issues. He doesn’t have any friends, he’s most likely a virgin, and he doesn’t know how to interact with people. But when his mother dies, things somehow get worse for him. He starts to hear voices that start to influence what he does. Of course, for some reason, voices never do anything positive like tell you to start going to the gym more often or maybe go back to school. No, Donny’s voices are telling him to lure women back to his home and burn them with a flamethrower.

Don’t Go in the House (also known as The Burning) is one of those gems that you come across from this era of filmmaking. It’s not supreme filmmaking in any sense of the word, but it’s just oddball enough that it can entertain for a couple of hours. AN added interest for me is that this film was actually shot about a half-hour from where I grew up, in the Atlantic Highlands section of the Jersey Shore.

This is a pretty lowkey movie considering this is about a guy that kills people with a flamethrower. The US version cuts out a lot of the more gruesome moments of the first kill, but even so, a lot of the kills occur offscreen.

GORE RATING: 0 out of 5

This movie has some legitimately creepy moments. The makeup work for the burned bodies is well done and there are some well-executed jump scares when Donny starts to imagine the bodies haunting him. Overall, it’s not particularly spooky; it won’t keep you up at night, but for a low budget slasher, it does pretty well for itself.

SCARES RATING: 3 out of 5

Like I said in the Gore section, the US version, for some reason, is heavily edited. In the international version, the first kill shows a lot of the victim, but the version that’s available on Amazon Instant only shows her from the shoulders up.

Sex/Nudity Rating: 1.5 out of 5

OVERALL

I dig these kinds of movies; I’m a sucker for a low budget slasher movie from the 1970s and 1980s. It’s part of the reason I love the genre. Ever so often, you can find a nice little gem that has something to offer in terms of entertainment. Dan Grimaldi does a pretty decent job in this film in the lead role and as far as a Psycho ripoff goes, you can do much worse.

Overall Rating: 6 out of 10

PLOT: A man attends a dinner party hosted by his ex-wife and her new husband, and starts to suspect that they have sinister intentions for the evening.

They’re your ex for a reason. That’s the old adage when someone is faced with whether or not they should get back together with their ex. Maybe that ex cheated, maybe they were abusive, or hey, maybe they’re crazy enough to join up with some sort of death cult and try to poison you and your good friends at a dinner party. It could happen.

The Invitation redefines “slow burn”. Halfway through this movie, I had to go on IMDB to spoil it for myself; not because I wanted to know what was going to happen, but I didn’t want to waste anymore of my time if the “horror” never paid off. Luckily, this movie does, eventually, pay off the tension that fills most of the runtime. It’s one of those movies where one person thinks someone is crazy, but then everyone thinks that they are in fact crazy. I think “gaslighting” is an appropriate term for this movie, for all of you in the know.

There are not too many recognizable faces in this one, but I think that adds to the film’s overall effectiveness. The most recognizable face is probably John Carroll Lynch, who is basically the Zodiac Killer from Zodiac; personally, he’ll always be Drew Carey’s brother from The Drew Carey Show. But we also have the lead played by Not Tom Hardy (Logan Marshall Green) and the good Daario (Michael Huisman).

Gore is pretty light in this film; it’s all concentrated into the last 15 minutes, so it’s not quite high on the volume. Even when the shit hits the fan, it doesn’t go completely balls to the wall.

Gore Rating: 2 out of 5

Not really scary, per se, but tense as fuck. The filmmakers really don’t let up from the beginning until the very end. Every word, every inflection that every character says is analyzed, brooded on, and ultimately the ending justifies it all.

Scare Rating: 2 out of 5

Not too much. There’s a brief glimpse of a nipple, so it can’t be posted on Instagram (#FreetheNipple), but other than a dimly lit shot where a female character is only wearing a shirt, there’s not much here. All of it is tasteful and not exploitative in the least.

Sex/Nudity Rating: 1.5 out of 5

OVERALL

I really liked this movie. It may not be a horror movie in the traditional sense, but it does a great job of building tension. The acting is solid and the direction is very well done, and a female director, too. Logan Marshall-Green carries this film, but the entire cast comes together to make one movie that truly plays on your anxieties.

Overall Rating: 7 out of 10

PLOT: After a high school track star dies from a blood clot, a mysterious killer starts to pick off her teammates one by one on graduation day.

All this bloodshed because a girl couldn’t run 200 meters without dying. Seriously. That’s the huge drama that kicks off this movie. A girl runs a race and dies. Maybe she should be on the fucking track team if she can’t run without dying… just a thought.

Graduation Day is one of the silliest movies I’ve seen in a while. Troma made this, so that’s to be expected, but it was still a surprise. The kills are inspired, for the most part: someone gets poked through the throat, someone pole vaults onto a bed of spikes, and someone throws a saber attached to a football at a football player and he gets impaled. It’s ridiculous.

The plot is your standard slasher flick plot. Girl dies, someone kills a bunch of teens, twist ending, the end. Speaking of endings, this one has about three endings to it, which makes it basically Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, but shorter, so better.

There’s also a seven minute (7!) scene in which the band Felony plays one of their songs.  It just keeps going.  Other than seeing Vanna White in a really early role and Linnea Quigley delivering the goods, as always, it’s pretty forgettable.  Worst of all, in a movie called Graduation Day, you never even get to see the Graduation ceremony.  It’s the cocktease to end all cockteases.

For a slasher flick from the 1980s, and one made by Troma no less, it’s actually pretty light on the gore. There are a couple of decapitations and a fencing sabre attached to a football impales someone, but other than that, there’s not much.

Gore Rating: 2.5 out of 5

It’s not that scary. There’s not much more to say than that. It’s an 80’s slasher flick from Troma; you shouldn’t be expecting too much scares.

Scare Rating: 0 out of 5

Linnea Quigley is the gift that keeps on giving. Apparently, she’s failing music class, so she seduces the sleazeball music teacher. It’s kind of creepy, given the rampant amount of teacher-on-student sex in the news these days, but Linnea Quigley was like 24 years old, so it’s fine. There’s also a quick flash of boob from another girl when she changes into her gymnastics leotard.

Sex/Nudity Rating: 3.5 out of 5

OVERALL

This movie made me laugh a few times, but it’s not a great slasher movie by any means.  I appreciate the fact that this movie was able to scrounge up a few real athletes to do some stunts, and the ending reveal is pretty good, but the whole concept is just silly.  200 meters, that’s all she had to run.  This whole thing is on the dead girl.

Overall Rating: 5 out of 10

PLOT: A team of scouts gets caught up in the zombie apocalypse and have to use their learned skills to save their town.

Superbad with zombies. That’s basically what this movie is (Hey, it even says that on the poster!)  That might sound a little glib, to sum it up so simply, but I actually enjoyed this movie quite a bit. It’s a movie that gets the push-and-pull of a horror-comedy better than most of its contemporaries in this subgenre, more so than say Zombeavers or The Final Girls, which I reviewed last year.

The plot is simple: two high school sophomores are trying to go to a super-secret party that usually only seniors are invited to, but they’re stuck going to a scout retreat, even though, mentally, their done being scouts. When they try to sneak off, they realize that the entire town has been overrun with zombies and it then becomes a mission to survive and to save the partygoers from the undead and a military air strike. Thrown in an ass-kicking cocktail waitress from the local strip club, and you have a pretty decent zombie apocalypse team.

Like I said, the movie is Superbad with zombies. It touches on a lot of similar themes of friendship and growing up with some nice heartfelt moments. I like a movie that can execute both horror and comedy well, and I think this film achieves it. The final scene is pretty rewarding, too, as we finally get to see those scouts put their skills to good use and kick some serious zombie ass.

Lots of gore in this one, but the CG gore you’d usually find in a zombie movie like this. Most of the blood and guts come from the destruction of the masses of the undead, so it’s a little less impactful, but it’s there.

GORE RATING: 3 out of 5

It’s a comedy, so there aren’t too many scares in this one, however, there are some nail-biting scenes in it, especially towards the end; this is tension, though, in a way an action movie is tense.

Scares Rating: 1 out of 5

There’s a bit of nudity in this one. The two main characters head to a strip club and a zombie stripper does her routine before she tries to eat them, and then there’s an even more gratuitous scene of a large-breasted zombie female cop having her shirt ripped off by a gate. There’s even a scene where a girl receives brief oral sex from a zombie, right before it kills her.  This score loses a half-point because zombie boobs are slightly less than non-zombie boobs.

Sex/Nudity Rating: 3 out of 5

OVERALL

I dug this movie. It never takes itself too seriously, but it still accomplishes a horror-comedy-action vibe really well. It might not be Shaun of the Dead (a modern classic as far as I’m concerned) or Zombieland for that matter, but it strikes a nice balance between laughs and scares. It’s a decent movie to thrown on during a party to have on in the background or if you’ve imbibed.

Overall Rating: 7.5 out of 10

PLOT: Five storylines converge on a lone desert highway, as characters are faced with punishment for their previous misdeeds.  

As I’ve said in previous posts for 31 Days of Horror, I like anthologies; they tend to work simply because they have more than one chance to make an impression. If you don’t like the first story, you can always just wait for the next one. In the same way that the V/H/S series has been hit and miss for me, so too is Southbound.

One of my favorite anthologies of all time is Trick ‘r Treat, and I think that movie works so well because of one thing: cohesion.   Trick ‘r Treat is one writer-directors vision, which is why each story works so well together. Southbound, on the other hand, has a different creative team on each film, and I think that difference keeps this from being a cohesive piece of filmmaking. Some stories really work (The Accident), some don’t (Jailbreak), and some sort of hit somewhere in the middle (The Way In). Fortunately, it keeps a fast pace and wraps up nicely at the end.

To the max. I don’t usually get off-put by blood and guts, but the story “The Accident” has some truly inspired goriness. It’s splatter-filled, but also extremely effective.

Gore Rating: 5 out of 5

It’s kind of creepy, but nothing too innovative. The final film “The Way In” is a home invasion storyline, which always works for me, and “The Accident” is creepy in a dark humor (very dark) sort of way, but ultimately I didn’t find it all too scary.  One problem is that there’s some CG work that is pretty spotty, and it could have been creepier, had it not looked so cheap.

Scare Rating: 2.5 out of 5

Nothing.

Sex/Nudity Rating: 0 out of 5

OVERALL

This movie was okay. I think it suffered by leaving a lot of things up to the viewer’s imagination. I’m fine with connecting the dots on my own, but the interconnectivity of these stories sort of suffers, as does the moral compass this film is trying to portray. Why did they let the guy from “The Accident” go? What did the girl from “Sirens” do that was so bad? In a movie in which you’re trying to showcase a handful of people being punished, you should probably let the audience in on their sins. Regardless, I think “The Accident” is a very effective short film and easily the standout of this anthology.

Overall: 5 out of 10

PLOT: Looking to get away from his life after the death of his mother, a young American takes a trip to Italy and falls in love with a beautiful local, whom has more than a few secrets.

Young Americans have sort of fetishized European countries to the point where most study abroad trips are just seen as opportunities to drink all day, smoke all kinds of drugs, and have sex with exotic-looking people. Yeah, it sounds pretty awesome. It’s like the Olympic village for people that can’t run fast. For Evan, a young American male that just lost his mother to cancer, Italy becomes the de facto escape plan. Early on, he runs into a couple of Brits that take him under their wing and drink him under the table. On one outing, he runs into a gorgeous Italian girl, and that’s when things get a little weird.

Spring strikes an incredible balance between indie romance and body horror film. I don’t want to divulge too much, but let’s just say that Louise, the Italian girl of Evan’s dreams, may be a lot more to handle than her lithe frame would have you believe. For both characters, it eventually becomes a story of what you’re willing to do for love. Are you willing to sacrifice your own well being (or immortality) to spend the rest of your life with someone you just met five days ago? Or is there a point where the drama outweighs your feelings? It’s an interesting idea wrapped around what is essentially a monster movie, and it is this balance that makes this film a nice surprise.

The gore in this film is reserved for small, mutilated animals, but most of it is shown after the fact. Not terribly gory, but this film does sort of stretch the meaning of the word “horror”, anyway. There are some gruesome looking transformation scenes, though, which bring this score up slightly.

Gore Rating: 2 out of 5

Do you have a significant other? Are you afraid of them? Do you want to be? Really, it’s not terribly scary, but the premise is more of a thinker: what would you do if you met the absolute perfect person, the one you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with, only to find out that they turn into a ravenous monster ever so often? Tough luck.

Scare Rating: 1.5 out of 5

There’s a decent amount of nudity in this movie, but not in an overly gratuitous way that you’re accustomed to see in a horror film. The main character is seen in bed with a naked girl before he leaves for Italy and there is a pre-coital scene with female lead Louise in which she’s topless. We also see her naked from far away as she struggles to keep her affliction under control. In this scene, she eats a live rabbit, so it’s not exactly sexy.

Nudity Rating: 3.5 out of 5

Overall

I was pleasantly surprised by this film. It straddles the line of what constitutes horror, which almost made me skip it, but it turned out to be an enjoyable horror-romance, if that’s even a genre. The two leads have an undeniable chemistry, the story is unique, and the Italian backdrop is absolutely gorgeous. This feels like an indie film similar to Linklater’s Before trilogy more than it feels like your standard horror film, but when it does anything slightly horrific, it does it pretty well.

Overall Rating: 7 out of 10